Oh the days of social media. I have been a blogger for years now and along with product reviews and giveaways I have always written posts about family and parenting as well. Sharing stories of my kids, my family, our outings, etc. I have also been members of blogging groups, mom blogger groups, parenting groups – you get the idea. Those groups are meant to support each other right? Then why does it sometimes feel like you are constantly being judged? I have even left groups because of that. Even if you have never been part of any kind of social groups, you still have social media itself. And it’s not just limited to social media either. Why should we as moms have to defend our decisions or give an explanation?
I will seriously never understand why anyone would make judgments as to whether moms breastfeed or not. Why do moms tear other moms down for breastfeeding? If you have a problem with a mom feeding her baby in public, then don’t look. If a mom decides it’s best to feed her baby formula, then let it be. I don’t understand why it’s anyone else’s business. I formula fed all three of mine because there were a few reason’s why I couldn’t breastfeed. If feeding them and making sure they got the nutrition they needed even if it was from formula made me a bad mom, then I am okay with that.
My husband and I have done our research. We researched every vaccine before they were given to our kids. Yes, we vaccinate. We happen to think it’s better to get them than not get them for many reasons. If you choose not to vaccinate even if you don’t have a kid that absolutely cannot get them, that’s your business. After making an informed decision and doing what I believe will protect our kids makes me a bad mom, then I am okay with that.
I delivered all three of my kids in the hospital and not in my living room. I was more comfortable being in the hospital and felt it was the safer route to go. When I was in so much pain and about to turn into something scary similar to the movie, The Exorcist you better believe I opted for that epidural. Every single time. If you took a more natural approach to childbirth, my hats off to you. That’s something I would never have been able to do although I think it would have been an amazing experience. But it just wasn’t for me. My kids were born healthy and I didn’t have any problems during or after delivery. If having my kids in a hospital and opting for drugs made me a bad mom, then I am okay with that.
Some people give their kids an allowance for doing chores. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some parents look at it like they are teaching them about money and responsibility. And I have no argument about that either. We on the other hand don’t give our kids an allowance. We are still able about to teach them about money and responsibility without giving them money to do their chores. They have so many privileges that we already pay for so if they want to keep those things, then they will do their chores. If that makes me a bad mom, then I am okay with that.
Stay at Home Mom/Working Mom
I’ve been on both sides here. You can’t ever win with this one. If you stay at home then you have it easy. You get to watch TV all day or do whatever you want. You should be working and contributing to the household. It’s unfair to your spouse or partner. If you work out of the home then it’s all about being selfish. You should be home with your kids. You shouldn’t have your kids in daycare all day. For the most part I have been a stay at home mom. It’s not easy and quite frankly, there have been times I wish I was working out of the home. Over the years there were times I did work part time for extra money. At one time I got a temporary job when my husband was laid off. Working and raising kids is tough. Staying at home and raising kids is tough. Either way it’s tough. I stay at home because my husband’s job allows me too. Plus it has always saved us money in the long run not having to basically pay another house payment to pay pay for childcare. If doing what works and fits financially best for my family makes me a bad mom, then I am okay with that.
My House is Messy
Yep, my house is messy. I have three kids and I also have a husband. My house might be messy but it’s clean. My bathroom and kitchen is always clean. My living room and other family room is always messy but clean. I dust, I vacuum, I clean. I pick up stuff that’s laying around all the time. It doesn’t last long. As soon as my kids and husband gets home, there is stuff everywhere again. That’s just the way it is. So whatever they still leave laying around after being asked to pick it up themselves (they never tend to get it all), I end up picking the rest up and start over the next day. And you know what? There are some days I just say, “Oh well. It can just stay there an extra day.” If I don’t always have an immaculate clean house and run around like a crazy person picking things up if I hear we have company coming over makes me a bad mom, then I am okay with that.
Healthy Snacks/Unhealthy Snacks
We have healthy snack options. My kids love eating raw veggies or fruit. But you know what? They also eat Oreos. Why? Because Oreos are good darn it. Yeah, so what? They had a couple Oreos for a snack. Or I put a Little Debbie snack cake in their lunch along with their apple or baby carrots. I also like to bake their cake for their birthday’s. I enjoy decorating cakes and cupcakes. I use store bought icing a lot of the times. The pre-colored icing too so I don’t have to mess with food coloring all the time. Sometimes I make my own icing but not all the time. If my kids have a not so healthy snack every once in a while and that makes me a bad mom, then I am okay with that.
My Car Looks Like We Live Out of It
Yes, I open the back of my car when I go to the grocery store and stuff just starts falling out of it. That’s because one kid had soccer practice while the other had a game. After dropping one off at practice and then going to the other one’s game and then picking up my daughter from some after school thing all in the same day and hoping I don’t forget anyone on the way home, I forgot to clean my car out the next day. Hey, everyone still fits safely in the car. My groceries may not fit though. If being a little scatterbrained and forgetful sometimes after spending my time and energy getting my kids where they need to be because we allow them to do the things they enjoy makes me a bad mom, then I am okay with that.
My Kids Have Cell Phones
My 12 year old son has one. He’s had it since he was 11. It’s not a flip phone either. I know, I know. I should hang my head in shame because “he’s not old enough”. He actually has a pretty old iPhone. It’s only an iPhone 5 and we already had it. I like that he has it because we can restrict it so much better than we ever could with a flip phone. Plus it was actually cheaper for us adding a smartphone to our plan than it would be adding one of those simple flip phones. We added the phone and gave it to him because sometimes we have to drop him off at soccer practice. He also stays over at friends’ houses. Since he is doing these things, we wanted him to have a way to get a hold of us anytime he needed to. Besides that, It’s also added security to him and to us because he has food allergies. If making sure he has a way to get a hold of us or visa versa makes me a bad mom, then I am okay with that.
I could probably list a few more reasons why I am a bad mom. But I think I mentioned enough reasons to make my point. We need to stop mom shaming. We need to stop judging others. We are moms who should be supporting each other. We all do our best for our own kids and family and that’s all we really can do. Not worry about what others are doing. There’s no reason to be condescending or judgmental. All we can do is to do our best to make sure our kids are loved, happy and healthy and teach them how to become well rounded, respectable fully functional adults.
There’s no such thing as a perfect mom. There’s no such thing as a perfect dad. There’s no such thing as perfect parents. But in my kids’ eyes, I am the best mom they could ever have. If I am the best mom they could ever have then I must be doing something right.
I am a good mom.